It was not even seven o’clock yet as Alex was driving home through a sleepy and empty Hamburg on Sunday morning and he felt exhausted as a result. When he reached his house, he quietly opened the front door and sneaked in. He could hear Max upstairs with his girlfriend. They would have just finished breakfast. He took a deep breath preparing himself for a wave of abuse. ‘Morning.’ He mumbled and walked towards the breakfast table. ‘Afternoon.’ Emma said with a stone cold face, feeding Max the last few spoonfuls of his breakfast. ‘Daddy!’ Max beamed. ‘Morning sunshine.’ Alex cuddled him and kissed him on the cheek. He tried to kiss Emma too but she turned her head away. Alex decided to leave it at that and sat down. ‘I’m sorry.’ He said holding both hands apologetically in the air. There was an awkward long moment of silence. ‘It’s not the fact you were out all night without telling me,’ Emma eventually said factually, ‘it’s that I don’t believe you were with Tommy.’ She looked him in the eye. ‘What?’ Alex almost laughed in surprise. She took Max out of his high chair and sat him on her lap. ‘But,’ Alex shook his head, ‘that’s ridiculous.’ ‘Is it?’, she hissed, ‘where were you last night Alex?’ ‘I told you. I was with Tommy. I fell asleep in his hotel room. Ask him.’ She laughed. ‘Oh God as if you wouldn’t cover for each other at all times.’ Alex decided not to push it. ‘Can I play with him for a bit?’ He asked quietly pointing at Max. Emma handed him his son and started tidying up the breakfast table. He hugged and kissed him again and again. ‘I’ve upset mummy. Because of Uncle Tommy.’ He explained gently.

Alex packed quietly for the trip to Berlin after having spent some time playing with Max. Emma hadn’t spoken a word all morning so Alex tried to approach her one last time. ‘Hey, are you still angry?’, Emma didn’t respond, ‘I have to go now. I don’t want to leave like this.’ ‘You had a choice.’ She said quietly. ‘But I haven’t done anything!’ Alex shouted in frustration, yet feeling guilty for lying. She turned towards him. ‘You didn’t come home last night. You call that nothing?’ Alex shook his head as he gave up. He grabbed his son and kissed him goodbye. ‘Daddy will be back before you know it,’ he approached Emma, hugged and kissed her, ‘I’ll call you and we can talk about it again if you want.’ She nodded and turned away from him.

Tom waved at Alex when he saw him pull into the parking bay outside the hotel. He jumped into the car quickly. ‘Oh Jesus, let’s go. I’ve got some girls chasing me down,’ he chuckled to himself, ‘not even the cap and sunglasses work anymore, so annoying. Everything alright with you?’, he stroked his leg, ‘I didn’t hear you leave at all.’ Alex sighed. ‘I’m in deep trouble at home.’ ‘Oh dear,’ Tom said and threw his bag on to the back seat trying to get more comfortable, ‘because of me I imagine?’ ‘She doesn’t believe I was with you last night.’ ‘What?’ Tom almost laughed. ‘I know.’ Tom gently took his friend’s hand. ‘So she can feel something then,’ he said quietly, ‘only it’s not a girl,’ he smiled at Alex sadly, ‘I’m sorry.’ Alex shook his head and frowned at him. ‘What for, I wanted to stay with you.’ They silently continued their drive to Berlin until Tom took Alex’s hand again. ‘I know it’s hard,’ he said and looked at him, ‘but what’s the alternative?’ ‘We make a decision.’ Alex said quietly. ‘And still have to hide away anyway?,’ Tom shook his head, ‘your family is too important,’ he paused, ‘unless you decide against me, against us.’ Alex gulped and squeezed his friend’s hand. He didn’t say anything.

They arrived in Berlin in the pouring rain. Alex was struggling to see the road it was that torrential. They parked the car in the hotel car park and Alex was about to get out when Tom grabbed his head and kissed him longingly. ‘Tommy!’ Alex hissed, hectically looking around. Tom smiled at him. ‘I did check,’ he stroked his hair and winked at him, ‘show time.’ He said and opened the door.

As the boys entered the reception area they were greeted with cheers by their team mates. Alex and Tom said hello, chatted and giggled. They checked into their rooms and gathered with all the others for the welcome speech of their coach Winter and their captain Markus in one of the hotel meeting rooms.
The first training session wasn’t till the next morning so everyone had time to settle in. The boys had agreed to spend time with their team mates that afternoon but Alex and Tom gazed and smiled at each other every so often across the room. At some point Tom walked over and sat down next to his friend. ‘Hey.’ He said. ‘Hey.’ Alex whispered. ‘How’s it going?’ ‘Better if we were alone.’ Alex quietly giggled and Tom laughed and nodded. ‘Time to get ready for dinner. Are you going up to your room?’ Tom winked at him. ‘Absolutely!’ Alex finished his drink of water and followed him.

Alex’s room was first up from the stairs and Tom pushed him in with a giggle after they had both made sure no-one was around. Alex shut and locked the door quickly behind him, just in time before Tom kissed him passionately and let his hands slip under his T-shirt. ‘You’re so naughty,’ Alex whispered and they both laughed quietly, ‘we haven’t got much time,’ he said kissing Tom’s lips hungrily, ‘we need to get ready Tommy.’ But Tom pulled him towards the bed. ‘Relax.’ He said lustfully as he started undressing his friend. Alex gasped and then simply gave in.

There was a knock on the door. ‘Alex?’ The boys stared at each other in shock. Tom immediately jumped out of bed and started getting dressed. ‘Yeah?’ Alex was trying to put on a relaxed voice. ‘Can I come in?’ The door handle moved down and Alex was unsure for a split second whether he had really locked it. Tom was staring at him and then at the door in horror. Alex exhaled quietly with relief and Tom had to sit down for a moment when the door did not nudge. ‘Just a sec, what’s up?’ Tom had started getting dressed again and was now almost ready. ‘Do you know where Tommy is? He is not in his room. And dinner is in 10 minutes. I’m just doing a quick head count.’ It was their captain Markus. Tom pulled Alex up by his hand and hurried him into the bathroom. ‘I’m here,’ Tom opened the door casually, ‘I did think it was time to get ready.’ He giggled and left the room pulling the door shut quickly behind him.

Alex had to sit down on the bathroom floor as he heard the boys leave. His heart was racing and he was actually sweating. He took deep breaths as he was trying to calm down. ‘Jesus.’ He said quietly and had to laugh, still in shock. He slowly got in the shower and relaxed under the hot water. When he was dressed for dinner, he called Emma. They talked and made up and Alex felt relieved that he had managed to sort this out finally.

As he was about to leave his room, he heard a knock on the door again. He opened and saw Tom grinning at him. ‘Ready?’ Alex stared in disbelief. ‘Tommy.’ He hissed and looked over his shoulder checking if anyone could hear them. ‘What?’, Tom shrugged his shoulders, ‘are you ready or what?’, he winked at him. Alex took a deep breath and pulled the door shut behind him, ‘you look good.’ Tom whispered in his ear before he led the way downstairs into the hotel restaurant. They were pretty much the last ones to arrive and were greeted with abuse and loud laughter. Tom waved pretending to enjoy the noisy welcoming and Alex laughed behind him.

The boys were both seated at separate tables and chatted to their national team colleagues. For them this was always a great opportunity to learn from everyone else’s experience in their clubs and whilst for most of the year they were playing against each other, whenever they met, it was always fun to catch up and feel as one big family and team. Alex enjoyed his dinner and his friends’ company and got fully immersed in the atmosphere. He let his eyes wander over to Tom every once in a while and smiled to himself seeing him happy and giggle with his friends at his table. Whenever their eyes met Tom would beam at him lovingly and Alex smile shyly.

It was getting late and the first training session was scheduled for the morning so everyone was keen to get an early night to demonstrate their best performance in front of the national coach the next day. The team’s captain Markus had spent some time at each table talking to all the players and making sure he would know of any issues ahead of training. He reached Alex’s table last and again spent some time talking to all the boys. Alex was busy checking what Tom was up to across the room and when it looked like he was about to retire for the night, he wished Markus would hurry up and talk to him quickly so he could leave as well. To his frustration it seemed Markus left Alex to last, though, so Tom signalled to him to call when he was done. Alex rolled his eyes and nodded.

‘So how have you been?’ Markus let himself slouch on a chair next to Alex as all the other boys happily moved on after their chat with their captain. Alex smiled wryly. ‘Yeah, you know what it’s like. We’re not in great shape at the moment, but I guess I’ll just keep working hard. See what happens at the end of the season.’ Markus nodded. ‘That’s the right attitude Alex,’ he patted his shoulder, ‘and how are Emma and Max?’ ‘Yeah. Great. Thanks.’ ‘He must be, what two now?’ Alex smiled and nodded. ‘Yeah, he is growing up fast.’ He looked around and only just realised he was all alone with Markus in the dining room. ‘Hmm,’ Markus nodded, ‘you wouldn’t want to risk losing such a lovely family, would you?’ Alex froze and stared at him. ‘No,’ he said hesitantly and frowned, ‘of course not.’ Markus took a deep breath. ‘Alex,’ he leant closer to him, ‘I know what you and Tommy are up to.’ There was a threatening tone in Markus’ voice. ‘What the hell do you mean?’ Alex gulped looking him straight in the eye. ‘You know what I mean.’ Markus leant back in his chair. ‘As a matter of fact I don’t. You have to make yourself a bit clearer.’ Alex was surprised at his own calm voice. ‘Oh God,’ Markus laughed, ‘I was hoping we could talk about this without becoming too explicit,’ he paused, ‘that you fuck him.’

Alex was shocked. He just stared at Markus and decided to keep his bluff going. He laughed. ‘This is a good joke! I like it.’ Markus leant closer again. ‘You know I wish it was Alex,’ his face had turned serious, ‘I am responsible for this team so let me tell you that this isn’t the time or the place to experiment with some stupid temporary gay sex desires behind your girlfriends’ backs.’ Alex kept staring at him. ‘This is ridiculous. What makes you think we are intimate?’ ‘You shouldn’t snog openly in changing rooms, you know.’ Alex took a deep breath and laughed sadly. ‘Oh, I see. Who told you?’ ‘Never mind that,’ Markus said quietly, ‘Tom sneaking out of your room before dinner this evening didn’t help your case.’ Alex nodded. ‘Is this what our conversation was meant to be about all along? Is this why you left me to last?’ ‘I had to talk to you at some point.’, Markus looked at him seriously.

Alex tried to swallow down tears of anger and disgust. ‘And has it crossed your mind that it’s perhaps not just about me fucking him, as you call it, but that we are actually in a relationship,’ Alex gulped, ‘that we love each other.’ He added quietly. Markus’ roaring laughter to his response made Alex want to disappear into a hole in the ground. He was about to get up and leave, he had had enough humiliation for that night. ‘Not so fast.’ Markus pulled him back onto his chair. ‘Aren’t we done?’ Alex hissed at him. ‘Alex, you want to keep Emma and Max, don’t you? And continue your career, right?’ Alex tried to push Markus’ hand off him. ‘Are you threatening me?’ He was getting so stressed and angry that he could have punched him but he kept his fist firmly under the table. ‘Well. I wouldn’t call it a threat,’ Markus looked at him, ‘I’d call it a deal,’ Alex wished Tom was here and they could both beat him up together, ‘let’s be sensible about this. You finish this sick little gay adventure with Tom now and no-one needs to know anything about it. You keep your family and you can both continue your careers. And we just forget about it, okay?’ Alex was breathing hard. ‘And what if I don’t?’ He spat through his teeth. Markus shook his head. ‘Then I’m afraid I will have to use more forceful measures to stop this. I wouldn’t hesitate to tell the press about what’s going on. And that would be messy, wouldn’t it?’ ‘The press?’, Alex shouted in disbelief, ‘have you lost your mind man?’ He had jumped up and was physically shaking. Markus slowly got up and walked towards him. ‘I don’t want to do this Alex but you would give me no other option. I won’t tolerate this, that’s for sure.’ He started walking off. ‘And what do you expect me to tell Tommy?’ Alex asked bravely. Markus stopped short and turned towards him. ‘Just finish it Alex, make something up,’ he looked at him, ‘but if you tell him anything about our little conversation I will also tell the press. Is that clear?’ Alex just stared. ‘What?’, he muttered, ‘but I can’t. I love him,’ he took a deep breath, ‘Markus, please.’ He begged him. ‘Nonsense!’, Markus shouted, ‘pull yourself together Alex. It’ll be easier if you finish it now, trust me.’ Alex stared at him again. ‘You do realise you’ll break his heart as well as mine.’ He whispered in tears. ‘Oh he’ll get over it. And one day you’ll both thank me for it.’ Markus walked out of the dining hall leaving Alex shattered to pieces.