This year is going to be my year I’ve decided. In terms of gay astrology, 2012 is going to be the Year of the Boyfriend. I just need to make sure it’s mine.
You see, the last time I had a boyfriend was in 2009. We broke up because he had met someone else. Someone better. We were together for over 4 years, and it has taken me about the same length of time to get over him and to be ready to move on.
What didn’t help with the moving on was the breakup sex. The breakup sex continued for a further 4 years, making him a huge part of my life for almost the last decade. What’s ridiculous is that throughout, he was still with the guy he left me for all those years ago, and has now even moved in with him, despite the regular rendez vous-ing.
For some stupid reason however, I managed to block out any feelings of guilt and over-romanticised the affair even though deep down I knew it was wrong and that it was eventually going to burn itself out and leave me back in the cold at square one. It turns out I am perfect ‘the other woman’ material.
To add insult to injury, the last few guys I’ve dated have not all been fully monogamous. One had confessed to seeing other people throughout the 3 months we were together and one secretly lived with his boyfriend.
Oh, there was also one gorgeous bloke who surprised me by introducing me to his French model boyfriend on our second date. At first I was a tad taken back at his brazen cheek, but that evening didn’t exactly end too badly as I ended up literally being taken back by the pair to inspect said cheeks, if you catch my drift.
I seem to always attract men who are unavailable and simply looking for a bit on the side. Even more I tend to be content to settle with that and hope things change in my favour. Over a bottle of wine with my friend David, discussing my new wave of playing Monika Lewinski he explained, “in these situations no matter how much you do, how much the guy does genuinely like you, you will always be second place. There will always be someone better”. Those words have stuck with me ever since.
I do deserve more than second place; what’s more, I need to stop acting like I’m okay with it too. So I’m welcoming in another year as a happy and brave singleton, with an open heart and open mind. But this time I want first place, to be number one, to be simply the best.
Now, call me an Addison Lee taxi, I’m off to Soho to bag me a SINGLE man…
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