‘There is no doubt in my mind,’ Garry tells me, ‘that being diagnosed has had such a happy impact on every area of my life… except, maybe, for those four very poorly years’. Garry, 44, has been living in London for twenty six years. He was diagnosed with HIV when he was 23 years old, and was given five years to live.
World Aids Day – every year – falls on 1st December, making the following month synonymous with the illness. In an effort to gain a better understanding of the way in which the disease affects people, I talked to Garry from the Terrence Higgins Trust, to find out about his experience. I can say with total certainty that he is one of the most positive, inspirational people I have ever spoken to.
Having lived with HIV for some twenty one years, one might make the assumption that an individual would come to grips with their situation in that time. However for Garry, not only has he come to grips with it but he has completely changed the course of his life’s direction, come out the other side of a cancer diagnosis and treatment, become a rock for others in the same situation both socially and professionally, and dedicated his working life to helping other people who have been diagnosed. He also found the time to train as a Pilates instructor.
Looking back, however, he didn’t always feel so positive. ‘It was a huge shock,’ he admits. ‘It changed everything. I had a bit of a problem with drinking, which was under control before the diagnosis but I started again upon finding out. I was told I had five years to live, after all. At work I didn’t take a pension, and I didn’t have life insurance. I thought I had limited possibilities, I was miserable.’
I can sense a huge ‘but’ coming. ‘But’, he says, ‘I asked myself if I really wanted to die that way. If I only had five years, I wanted to make them five quality years. I adopted a healthy lifestyle; I gave up drinking, drugs and smoking. I wanted to do the best I could for myself. Before, I would have spent my money on going clubbing, but I began to spend it on professional development courses, nice holidays, and good music and films. There was a lot of shifting of perspectives.’
One universal fear amongst people who have been diagnosed with HIV is how it will affect their romantic relationships. Garry admits that his partner at the time ended their relationship. ‘I don’t blame him, I also would have run a mile,’ he says. It led him to take quite drastic action. ‘My first thought was that I wouldn’t have sex, ever. That lasted about six months, before my libido took over. So I decided it would be best to just have sex with no attachments, to be careful, and to only take part in low risk activities. That didn’t work out well either, though. I realised that I wanted emotional intimacy, and sex alone doesn’t fulfill this. In realising this, I had to re-evaluate how I went about relationships.’ This re-evaluation proved to be successful; Garry met someone who had also been diagnosed with HIV and had a three year relationship. Successful, he says, because it was based on communication, love and support.
Having been skeptical of HIV medication at the time, Garry chose to go untreated and became extremely unwell in 1996. He developed Aids related cancer in his lungs, causing them to collapse, and was hospitalised three times in that year. He needed chemotherapy treatment and was forced to retire from work. ‘My health became my full time job,’ he states resignedly.
However, in 1997 and following developments in HIV drugs, Garry began treatment for the disease on his 30th birthday. It wasn’t an overnight recovery, but by the year 2000 he was feeling the positive effects of successful treatment and a tailored gym programme. These improvements led to some significant, life-changing career decisions. Being a volunteer at the YMCA and the clinic where he was treated allowed him to pass on his knowledge and experience. Ready to take on paid work, Garry trained as a Pilates instructor so that he could work part time, but was soon asked to take part time employment at the clinic, meeting with newly diagnosed people. Before he knew it, Garry was back to working full time and dedicating his career to helping other people. ‘I have never felt like this is work,’ he tells me. ‘I just want to give people with HIV a better life. My experience has totally changed my attitude to work and what work is.’ Garry now works for the Terrence Higgins Trust as Membership & Involvement Officer, a fitting role for someone with so much passion for creating awareness and providing support.
His positive experience may not be the case for everyone, but Garry attributes his to the fact that he has always been open about his diagnosis. ‘I have always been honest, so I have never experienced stigma, discrimination or ignorance,’ he says. ‘I had to be slap, bang, up against something major to challenge my life assumptions,’ he concludes. From speaking to him for just a short while, it is evident that the HIV world at least, is a far better place for his reflections.
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