Profile prejudice

Featured photograph: Li Kim Goh

The rise of gay dating websites and apps like Gaydar and Grindr has exposed a troubling undercurrent of what one campaign group calls ‘sexual racism’ – the tendency for some users to include statements like ‘no Asians’ or ‘blacks only’ in their profiles.  While those users might claim that such statements are fair, or even trivial, for others they represent a stinging attack on their ethnicity and dignity. So, what’s the truth: is ‘no Asians’ a way to express a harmless personal preference? Or is it actually offensive, or even harmful – and if so, how can it, and statements like it, be tackled?

Gaydar revolutionised gay sexual freedom when it took advantage of an increasingly sophisticated online scene back in the early 2000s.  Roll the calendar forward to the 2010s, and GPS-enabled smartphones make it even easier for gay guys to meet each other using apps like Grindr.  It’s never been easier to find sex, dates and relationships; some might even claim that for the gay community, still relatively marginalised and isolated as recently as a decade ago, Gaydar, Grindr and the like have made life better. Unless, that is, you’ve been written off as unattractive because of the colour of your skin.

Ramesh, a 28-year-old trainee clinical psychologist from Surrey, who is half Sri Lankan, knows how that feels. ’It’s upsetting. It’s not just that they find you unattractive, it’s that you’re so unattractive that they couldn’t even bear to receive a message from you.  It brings the feeling that I’m intrinsically unattractive; that, somehow, ethnic minorities are less attractive than caucasians.’

Given that depth of feeling, you might think that ‘no Asians’ is a pretty clear-cut case of racist or hate speech. Think again: legally, only statements that are threatening, insulting or abusive, or likely to stir up racial hatred, are actually considered racist – and in the case of personal profiles, that’s hard to prove.  After all, there’s a big gap between someone who’s ignorant, and someone who’s genuinely hateful.

Still, Ramesh wonders whether some people who use the ‘no Asians’ line actually do hold deeper hostile sentiments. ‘Most of those profiles include clumsy phrases like “no offence” or “I’m not racist”, trying to ward off the criticism they know they’ll get for saying something that’s unpalatable. I think they do know it’s quite an unpleasant thing to say. Whether that connects with whether they’re actually racist, I don’t know.’

One man thinks it’s a bit clearer than that.  Will, 28, an IT consultant from Crewe, recently fell out with a friend when he spotted ‘no Asians (sorry, you just don’t do it for me)’ in his Gaydar profile. ‘I challenged him about it,’ he recalls, ‘and he came out with all this really vile stuff about ethnic minorities, saying they’re dirty. It was making my insides boil.

‘In the past we’d been chatting about guys on Gaydar, and if I said I found a particular guy attractive who happened to be Asian or black, he’d always say he didn’t. I’d never really thought much about it – I just thought he genuinely didn’t find those individuals attractive.  When he started coming out with this utter crap, I was actually shaking and feeling angry about it. I think it feels worse because I’ve been close to him for years.’

Hiding behind anonymity?

That’s not to say that every guy who types ‘no Asians’ is a likely member of the BNP, but it does seem obvious that some people use bland statements and excuses to mask genuinely offensive sentiments. Will thinks he knows why this fairly modern form of prejudice is so easy to come by. ‘We seem to be living in an age of online profiles where people feel they can just say “I’m not in to black guys” or “I don’t do Asians”, when they might actually find someone from those backgrounds attractive. I view the whole thing really differently now; when people say that sort of thing I can’t shrug it off – I start to wonder why. It’s totally changed me.’

Ramesh agrees. ‘On the internet, communication isn’t face-to-face, and that makes it a lot easier to say something that’s hurtful. On the scene in general, there’s a culture that makes it okay to say “I’m looking for this, I’m not looking for that.”  That sort of turns people into tick boxes.  I think that makes people less aware of the impact of those views.’  He suggests that people could prevent offence by expressing themselves differently. ‘I can’t say that everyone has to find me attractive, but they could put things positively. Phrase it as a preference for something, rather than an exclusion of something else. It’s nicer to read a preference for something than something negative about me, but I also think that’s actually more realistic.’

With his background in psychology, Ramesh also has a theory that could explain why hurtful statements are seen by those who make them as banal and unremarkable. ‘There’s a phenomenon called confirmation bias,’ he explains. ‘If you label something in a particular way, you shape your experience of it.  If you have a stereotype in your mind about camp gay men, for example, you’re more likely to remember meeting camp guys, and every time you met a “straight-acting” gay guy you’re likely to forget about him.

‘The same thing applies here; people tell themselves they won’t find non-white people attractive, and so they don’t find them attractive.  Their profile then excludes non-white people from contacting them, so they’re less likely to encounter an attractive non-white person.’

What can be done about that? ‘If the words people put on their profile help them to maintain racist views, then sites like Gaydar should think about making it part of their policy that it’s not okay, and that people like me can complain to them about those profiles.’

So So Gay put that suggestion to Gaydar and Grindr. A spokesman from Grindr responded quickly: ‘Grindr’s profile guidelines prohibit text that incites racism, bigotry, hatred or physical harm of any kind. Any user that is uncomfortable with a profile they see can send an email to our review team and we will take steps to remove any offensive language if needed.’

Simon Johnson, Gaydar’s Product Manager, says that Gaydar takes racism very seriously. ‘Gaydar has been providing a safe place for men to meet for over ten years, each with their own likes, types and dislikes. We investigate all complaints regarding racism, discrimination and anti-social behaviour, and Gaydar’s customer service team is trained to deal with a wide range of member enquiries and complaints.

‘Sadly, there will always be individuals across all dating and social networking sites who feel they can make comments and statements that are offensive and unwelcome. We operate a three strike rule whereby we will reach out to members who break our terms and conditions; we find discussing issues one-to-one with our members helps them to understand that anti-social behaviour benefits nobody and is unwelcome on Gaydar. We will, however, suspend somebody from Gaydar if our investigations and their personal history lead us to believe it wouldn’t be fair on other members if they continued their membership.’

While some people might be tempted to challenge allegedly racist comments directly, Johnson adds that Gaydar would prefer to deal with those situations itself. ‘We would always recommend that members tell us if they are unhappy with something or somebody on Gaydar, rather than trying to deal with the situation themselves. We want to ensure that Gaydar continues to be a safe and secure environment for gay men to chat and meet. If a member would like to make a complaint our customer service team will look into specific cases and advise on next steps including, when appropriate, reporting to the police.’

The answer seems clear: if you don’t like it, report it. Only by dealing with those views head-on can gay people challenge discrimination within the community. Ramesh, though, thinks that there’s yet more that needs to be done before gay men from ethnic minorities can feel safe from disdain.

‘I think it’s important to try to increase people’s exposure to gay non-white people,’ he says. ‘I think it’s important for the media in general, and particularly the gay media, to increase representations of attractive non-white gay people.’ Perhaps the battle against sexual racism starts not on those ubiquitous and liberating gay dating sites, but on something even more powerful and ever-present: the warm and influential glow of the TV screen.

So So Gay contacted several men on Gaydar whose profiles contain statements like ‘no non-whites’; despite a promise of anonymity, none of them was willing to talk to us to give his point of view.

Gaydar and Grindr both stress that they take racism very seriously. If you wish to complain about allegedly racist comments, you should contact review@grindr.com or support@gaydar.net – both addresses are checked every day of the week.