“I did hear a rumour that she’s a lesbian with Patricia Routledge. Don’t put that in, I don’t want to get sued.”
Some people would be a little nervous about their performance transferring to the heart of the West End – Not Michael Twaits, whose one-man show Confessions of a Dancewhore opens at the Trafalgar Studios on Monday 21st June. ‘It’s really exciting – Nelson’s giving me the eye as I sashay my way down Whitehall…’
Confessions is hard to describe – it’s a bit sweary (Michael admits having to apologise afterwards to his Auntie Barbara for dropping the c-bomb a few times), it’s probably got some nudity in it (he’s very comfortable in his own skin, is our Michael) and it’s written by and starring a fabulous out and proud gay man in a variety of guises, including Lady M, a frothy, camp-as-you-like drag queen persona.
Sounds like a good night to us, but what is it?
“I’m not sure where it fits in between theatre and cabaret. It’s probably a bit marmitey – some people love it, others might hate it, you might walk out within minutes. You won’t get a refund though.” Experimental theatre and good business sense. “You do get a drink as part of the show – Pinky’s, a beautiful vodka” is sponsoring the run. “It’s not just to be sloshed down my neck in the dressing room. It’s to be savoured; sloshed down my neck slowly.”
While Madonna lovers will find songs from that particular album interspersed throughout the performance, Michael is very quick to point out that this is not simply a Madge tribute act – Madge is a running theme, but never anything as one-dimensional as a poof doing karaoke. The six characters we meet all have their real, raw and sometimes brutal elements, nicely juxtaposed with the veneer of charming, silly and sometimes downright rude personalities.
It’s not all gloss and grit; Confessions also has an agenda. “There’s sadly a great deal of apathy in the Soho gays – we have civil partnerships and we can hold hands in the right parts of town nowadays – people aren’t really fighting for anything anymore. The Tories are back in power with a homophobe as Home Secretary and all of that is part of the message that we shouldn’t feel too comfortable – we’re not as safe as we think we are. There’s still a long way to go.”
“When I first came out, I wasn’t a big fan of Pride because I didn’t think it was right to put one day aside to say ‘yes I’m proud’ I just want to be able to be openly gay in public: hold my boyfriend’s hand, or have a kiss somewhere and not have to worry. I think being out & proud is one of the biggest political statements one can make but I think it’s important to have a time when you do celebrate how far we’ve come as a community, not just quietly and on our own or with our partners in every day life.”
So: Songs, sex, booze and politics all mixed together and slapped in your face. Fantastic.
Confessions runs for the whole of Pride Festival Fortnight (Monday 21st June – Sat 3rd July) at the Trafalgar Studios. Tickets available from the box office or from ambassadortickets.
Find out more about Michael via his website or stalk him on twitter (@michaeltwaits)


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[...] almost exactly a year ago, he was on stage at the Trafalgar Studios performing his one-man show Confessions of a Dancewhore, which earned him the rather impressive accolade of ‘an ego bigger than Madonna’s’ from one [...]